The Identity Clearance

Recently, I have been diving deep into identity work, trying to get a deeper understanding of what identity is, how it affects our reality, and how we can change it.

One of the things that has made me the most curious has been my own weight loss journey. Why was I able to lose the weight, gain it back, and then start all over again? This is a pattern I have created in my life and this time I want to change it for good.

I want to break this pattern. I want to lose the weight and become the woman who remains healthy throughout her life.

Identity Is Like a Colored Glass Ceiling

Here is the concept that has been helping me understand identity.

Consider a huge room with a big round glass ceiling. The light that enters through this glass ceiling lights up the entire room.

But here is the catch.

Everyone who enters this room sees it differently.

One person sees the room lit up in bright yellow. Another sees it in red. Maybe someone else experiences it as completely dark.

The room hasn't changed. The light hasn't changed. Only the glass through which they are viewing it has changed.

I believe identity is like that glass ceiling.

Every person's identity is different, and what each person sees through that glass differs. The color of the room changes according to the identity through which they experience it.

The Identity Veil

Identity is almost like a veil that we wear.

It is shaped by our past experiences, our upbringing, our circumstances, society, and perhaps even our past lives (I have no evidence for this, so it's simply a possibility).

There are countless factors that influence this identity veil.

But once the veil is formed, we begin seeing the world through it.

Each person's veil is unique. Sometimes it changes and evolves, and sometimes it stays the same for years. Either way, our reality becomes interpreted through that veil.

My Veil Was Survival

I lived a large part of my life in survival mode.

My childhood trauma played a significant role in how I viewed myself and the world around me.

It also played a significant role in shaping my personality. I became the people pleaser. The quiet introvert. The overachiever. The hyper-independent woman.

Because the veil I wore was one of unsafety, my brain was always looking for threats in my environment. My senses were constantly tuned to scan for danger.

Whether it was physical danger, financial insecurity, my business, or relationships, my body lived in a constant state of hyper-vigilance.

The Awareness That Changed Everything

Until, by what I believe was divine intervention and through a deep moment of awareness, I came to understand that this was simply the veil I had been carrying.

For a long time, I genuinely believed every woman experienced life the way I did.

I thought everyone lived with the same level of hypervigilance. But one day it dawned on me that this wasn't true.

I was the one holding onto this veil because it was all I had ever known. Every circumstance that happened became evidence that reinforced the identity I was living from. My brain collected proof that life was unsafe, that survival was necessary, and that scarcity was real.

How Identity Is Formed

As children, we derive much of our identity from our primary caregivers. They taught us what to believe, and we also observed how they lived.

Our circumstances shaped us as well.

Our brains created neural pathways that quietly learned, "This is life. This is how you survive."

Then education added another layer.

Many of us learned that we were not enough unless we achieved good grades. We learned that struggle earned worthiness.

Those beliefs became part of our identity.

Then we spent years living from those identities while unconsciously looking for experiences that continued to strengthen them. Eventually, we started creating a reality that made sure the brain was always right.

Right about staying safe.

Right about scarcity.

Right about struggle.

So How Do You Change Your Identity?

The first step is awareness.

Awareness of what you believe. Awareness of what shaped you. Awareness of why you want to change. Awareness of how invested you truly are in changing your identity.

Because identity is something the brain holds onto. It cannot simply let go of years of conditioning overnight. Every neural pathway contains information about who you believe you are and what actions are necessary to remain that person.

The Power of Decision

The second step is making a definitive decision.

Deciding that you are going to change. And deciding that you will continue choosing that change over and over again.

Because identity is built through repetition. You will have to choose your new identity again and again until it becomes familiar.

Teach Your Body That It Is Safe

The third step is having nervous system regulation tools.

Every time you challenge your old identity, your brain will ask your body to return to what is familiar. It will want you to become your old self again because familiarity feels safe. This is where nervous system regulation becomes essential.

Keep repeating your new beliefs.

Keep teaching your body safety.

Keep practicing your new identity.

Slowly, you are placing a new veil over your perception. A veil through which your senses consciously begin seeing the world differently.

A Beautiful Obsession With Becoming You

I also believe there needs to be an obsession with changing.

Especially if you are coming out of survival mode. Especially if you are healing trauma.

There needs to be an obsession with yourself.

Not to prove your worth. Not to become better than anyone else. But simply because you deserve to become the fullest version of yourself.

You deserve to experience reality from a place of safety instead of fear. You deserve to believe that the entire Universe wants you to be happy.

And if you believe in God, you deserve to believe that you are one of His beloved children.

There needs to be an obsession with believing that everything is working out FOR you.

An obsessed level of self-love that knows you deserve to experience the very best this world has to offer.

Changing the Veil

I believe that kind of obsession changes you forever. It changes the lens through which you experience life. It changes what your brain notices. It changes what you expect. It changes what you create.

My hope is that you experience the same divine intervention that made me realize I needed to change my veil.

Because once you do, you'll begin seeing the world in a completely different color of light. You'll begin noticing beauty more than scarcity. Abundance more than lack. Safety more than fear. You'll no longer be afraid to want what you truly want.

And all of it will lead you to believe you truly matter as yourself.