The Woman I Became by Choosing Myself

As I continue on this journey of connecting more deeply with myself my wants, my desires, my body I’ve noticed something interesting.

My brain still wants evidence.

Is this actually working?
Am I really changing?
Have I made enough progress?

When you’re doing inner work, it can sometimes be difficult to see the transformation while you’re living through it.

There isn't always an obvious before-and-after. So sometimes, we need to look back.

Who were you one year ago? Who were you two years ago?

How did she think? What did she believe about herself? What was she afraid of? What did she tolerate? How did she treat herself?

Because inner work is so much about who you are being and who you are becoming.

And when you change, your beliefs begin to change.

Your patterns change. Your actions change. The way you perceive yourself and your life changes. And eventually, your reality begins to reflect those changes too.

The saree that reminded me how far I've come

Two years ago, I bought this saree specifically for a wedding I wanted to attend.

At that point in my life, I had stopped attending family functions. There was fear. There was shame. And hiding felt easier than allowing myself to be seen.

But I was also working on my body and becoming healthier.

Something inside me had started to shift.

I remember thinking:

I am not going to spend my life hiding from every little discomfort.

So I decided I was going to that wedding. I went shopping specifically to find a saree, and in my mind, I wanted it to feel like my own little comeback.

Not for anyone else.

For me.

I wanted to see myself differently. Not as the woman who needed to hide, but as the woman who was ready to step back into her life. To experience things. To be seen. To actually live.

Looking back now, I think that decision changed more than I realized at the time.

She started choosing herself

That version of me decided she wanted something different for her life.

She wanted to feel worthy and enough for who she was, not because she had finally become what the world wanted her to be.

And slowly, she started choosing herself more often.

She went to the gym. She ate meals that supported her body. She got her steps in. She made small promises to herself and then actually kept them. And every promise became another piece of evidence: I can trust myself.

She saw herself getting stronger. She watched the weight come off. She felt her confidence growing. And perhaps most importantly, the relationship she had with her body began to change.

There was a time when looking in the mirror brought up so much shame. Then slowly, she began looking at herself and feeling proud.

Not because her body suddenly had to become perfect to deserve love. But because she could see what she was creating through the way she was showing up for herself.

She was responsible for those changes. She had become devoted to her body.

Devoted to her health. Devoted to giving herself the opportunity to experience a better version of her life.

Two years later

Recently, I wore that same saree to another wedding. Same saree. Completely different woman.

I am in even better health today. I feel more confident. I am more connected to myself than I have ever been.

But the transformation I see isn't simply physical.

I see the woman who developed enough self-trust and courage to sit with her shame instead of allowing it to determine her life.

I see every season of making promises and keeping them. Working through fear. Learning to regulate and connect with my body. Allowing myself to become visible again. Choosing myself even when choosing myself felt uncomfortable.

All of those moments brought me here:

To a version of myself I am deeply in love with.

And she didn't appear overnight.

She was created through devotion.

Keep going

If you're at the beginning of your weight-loss journey, keep going.

If you've already been doing it for months and you're wondering whether it's working, keep going.

If you're healing from your past, keep going.

If you're learning to regulate your nervous system and reconnect with your body, keep going.

If you're learning who you are underneath everything you've been taught you should be, keep going.

You may be looking at today and wondering where the evidence is.

Sometimes the evidence becomes obvious only when you turn around and realize:

I don't think like her anymore.

I don't treat myself like she did anymore.

I don't make the same choices anymore.

I have become someone different.

And that is progress too.

This is self-devotion

Devotion doesn't mean you never feel fear again. It doesn't mean the memories disappear. It doesn't mean shame never comes up.

It means that despite the fear, you choose yourself.

Despite the memories, you choose yourself.

Despite the shame, you choose yourself.

You stay. You listen. You keep the promises you make to yourself. You take the next action that honors the woman you are becoming.

Because ultimately, self-devotion lives in the action of choosing you.

We learn so many things growing up about what it means to be good, accepted, loved or worthy.

But something changes when you begin putting yourself back into the center of your own life.

You change.

Not because someone finally chose you.

But because you did.

And maybe two years from now, you'll look back at the woman reading this today and realize:

That was the version of me who decided to choose herself.

And that decision changed everything.

Want to take this deeper? 

Self-devotion isn't something we only understand intellectually. It's something we practice through the way we listen to ourselves, understand our patterns, honor our desires and choose ourselves.

I created the Self Devotion Journal to help you do exactly that.

Inside you'll find 18 guided journal prompts designed to help you explore where you may still be abandoning yourself, reconnect with what you truly want, deepen your self-trust and begin choosing yourself more intentionally.

SELF DEVOTION JOURNAL